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When a loved one dies, it can be difficult to know how to help kids cope with the loss, particularly as you work through your own grief.

How much kids can understand about death depends largely on their age, life experiences, and personality. But there are a few important points to remember in all cases.

Explaining Death in a Child’s Terms

Be honest with kids and encourage questions. This can be hard because you may not have all of the answers. But it’s important to create an atmosphere of comfort and openness, and send the message that there’s no one right or wrong way to feel. You might also share any spiritual beliefs you have about death.

A child’s capacity to understand death — and your approach to discussing it — will vary according to the child’s age. Each child is unique, but here are some rough guidelines to keep in mind.

Until kids are about 5 or 6 years old, their view of the world is very literal. So explain the death in basic and concrete terms. If the loved one was ill or elderly, for example, you might explain that the person’s body wasn’t working anymore and the doctors couldn’t fix it. If someone dies suddenly, like in an accident, you might explain what happened — that because of this very sad event, the person’s body stopped working. You may have to explain that “dying” or “dead” means that the body stopped working.

Kids this young often have a hard time understanding that all people and living things eventually die, and that it’s final and they won’t come back. So even after you’ve Continue reading »

Answering kids’ questions about sex is one of the responsibilities many parents dread most. Otherwise confident parents often feel tongue-tied and awkward when it comes to sex. But the subject shouldn’t be avoided. By answering kids’ questions as they arise, parents can help foster healthy feelings about sex.

When do kids start becoming curious about sex?

Children are human beings and therefore sexual beings. It’s hard for parents to acknowledge this, just as it’s hard for kids to think of their parents as sexually active. But even infants have curiosity about their own bodies, which is healthy and normal.

What sort of “sexual” behavior do young kids exhibit?

Toddlers will often touch themselves when they are naked, such as in the bathtub or while being diapered. At this stage of development, Continue reading »

Each day, 10-year-old Seth asked his mom for more and more lunch money. Yet he seemed skinnier than ever and came home from school hungry. It turned out that Seth was handing his lunch money to a fifth-grader, who was threatening to beat him up if he didn’t pay.

Kayla, 13, thought things were going well at her new school, since all the popular girls were being so nice to her. But then she found out that one of them had posted mean rumors about her on a website. Kayla cried herself to sleep that night and started going to the nurse’s office complaining of a stomachache to avoid the girls in study hall.

Unfortunately, the kind of bullying that Seth and Kayla experienced is widespread. In national surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school.

A bully can turn something like going to the bus stop or recess into a Continue reading »