What is normal behavior for a child?

Normal behavior in children depends on the child’s age, personality, and physical and emotional development. A child’s behavior may be a problem if it doesn’t match the expectations of the family or if it is disruptive. Normal or “good” behavior is usually determined by whether it’s socially, culturally and developmentally appropriate. Knowing what to expect from your child at each age will help you decide whether his or her behavior is normal.

What can I do to change my child’s behavior?

Children tend to continue a behavior when it is rewarded and stop a behavior when it is ignored. Consistency in your reaction to a behavior is important because rewarding and punishing the same behavior at different times confuses your child. When your child’s behavior is a problem, you have 3 choices:

• Decide that the behavior is not a problem because it’s appropriate to the child’s age and stage of development.
• Attempt to stop the behavior, either by ignoring it or by punishing it.
• Introduce a new behavior that you prefer and reinforce it by rewarding your child.

How do I stop misbehavior?

The best way to stop unwanted behavior is to ignore it. This way works best over a period of time. When you want the behavior to stop immediately, you can use the time-out method.

How do I use the time-out method?

Decide ahead of time the behaviors that will result in a time-out–usually tantrums, or aggressive or dangerous behavior. Choose a time-out place that is uninteresting for the child and not frightening, such as a chair, corner or playpen. When you’re away from home, consider using a car or a nearby seating area as a time-out place.

When the unacceptable behavior occurs, tell the child the behavior is unacceptable and give a warning that you will put him or her in time-out if the behavior doesn’t stop. Remain calm and don’t look angry. If your child goes on misbehaving, calmly take him or her to the time-out area.

If possible, keep track of how long your child’s been in time-out. Set a timer so your child will know when time-out is over. Time-out should be brief–generally 1 minute for each year of age–and should begin immediately after reaching the time-out place or after the child calms down. You should stay within sight or earshot of the child, but don’t talk to him or her. If the child leaves the time-out area, gently return him or her to the area and consider resetting the timer. When the time-out is over, let the child leave the time-out place. Don’t discuss the bad behavior, but look for ways to reward and reinforce good behavior later on.

How can I be a good parent?

There’s not just one right way to raise children. And there’s no such thing as a perfect parent or a perfect child. But here are some guidelines to help your children grow up healthy and happy:

• Show your love. Every day, tell your children: “I love you. You’re special to me.” Give lots of hugs and kisses.
• Listen when your children talk. Listening to your children tells them that you think they’re important and that you’re interested in what they have to say.
• Make your children feel safe. Comfort them when they’re scared. Show them you’ve taken steps to protect them.
• Provide order in their lives. Keep a regular schedule of meals, naps and bedtimes. If you have to change the schedule, tell them about the changes ahead of time.
• Praise your children. When your children learn something new or behave well, tell them you’re proud of them.
• Criticize the behavior, not the child. When your child makes a mistake, don’t say, “You were bad.” Instead, explain what the child did wrong. For example, say: “Running into the street without looking isn’t safe.” Then tell the child what to do instead: “First, look both ways for cars.”
• Be consistent. Your rules don’t have to be the same ones other parents have, but they do need to be clear and consistent. (Consistent means the rules are the same all the time.) If two parents are raising a child, both need to use the same rules. Also, make sure baby-sitters and relatives know (and follow) your family rules.
• Spend time with your children. Do things together, such as reading, walking, playing and cleaning house. What children want most is your attention. Bad behavior is usually an attempt to get your attention.

Who can I ask when I need help raising my child?

There are many ways to get good parenting advice. Sign up for parenting classes offered by hospitals, community centers or schools. Read parenting books or magazines. Talk to your family doctor, a minister, a priest or a counselor.

You can also ask your family doctor for parenting help. Don’t be embarrassed to ask. Raising children is hard, and no one can do it alone. Your doctor can help you with issues like discipline, potty training, eating problems and bedtime. Your doctor can also help you find local groups that can help you learn better parenting skills.

I love my children, but being a parent can be so hard!

Being a parent can be a joy, but it’s also a tough job. No parent is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Even loving parents sometimes do things they don’t mean to do, such as yell at a child or call a child a bad name. But if you think you’re having trouble controlling yourself, get help so a pattern of abuse doesn’t start.

I get so frustrated sometimes. Is this normal?

Yes, all parents get frustrated. Children take a lot of time and energy. Parenting is even harder when you have problems in your own life, such as worries about your job, Continue reading »